This is a section from another journal that I started a couple of years ago when I was going through a phase where I began to question God's existence. Enjoy!!When I look back over my life, I began to realize all of the things God has done for me and all of the situations he has brought me out of. I am now a 21 year old man and it seems like I have been through hell more than 21 times, but a wise woman said, “sometimes you have to go through hell to get to heaven”. And as I began to look at one particular situation I began to think about the stories in the bible. Last semester, Fall 2007 to be exact, was maybe the worst season of my life. I over worked my body so much that it began to shut down.
My digestive system began to weaken, I stopped sleeping and eating. My muscles weakened and my mind went completely blank. I could not focus or pay attention to any information. I tried my best to hide it from my friends and family. I ended up taking 6 bottles of medicines that felt great, but slowed me down even more. My dreams became nightmares so I avoided sleep or picked up a drink to distort them. I was in and out of the doctor’s office and counseling. This went on for about a month until I just got fed up and said enough was enough. I got angry and tired and I needed God to fix this right now! I was sitting in my room one day, just sitting in my bed staring at the wall, and suddenly I blacked out. I had a vision of me fighting through this crowd of people. I looked down and noticed that there was massive blood on my white robe near my stomach. I clutched on to it and continued to fight my way through the crowd, not having a clue where I was going and why was I running.
The harder I fought the more the pain increased. It had gotten to the point when it hurt so bad that I yelled, “Jesus Please”! At that moment I fell to the ground and clutched the clothes of the person in front of me. All I heard were gasp from the crowd, but before I could look up, a bright light came and in my body I could feel something going on in my body. It felt like a cold broom sweeping through my body. It felt so good that I began to smile. When I returned to my “conscious state”, I noticed that I was faced in a totally different position than before, but the best part was that I felt sooooo good inside. I suddenly began to pray and ask the lord for forgiveness and healing. I prayed so hard that I couldn’t even feel the air from the air conditioner anymore. And after that, within a couple of hours, I felt like a new man.
Now the funny thing is that, this was so last year, but sometimes it takes people a while to realize what God is trying to do and prove. If you’ve never experienced God like this then this may go way over your head. Like I said, that was last year, 2007. Today is February 20th 2008 and what God was trying to show me just hit me. In the bible, there was a woman who had an issue of blood, she wanted to be healed. She wanted to meet Jesus. She said, “If I could just touch the hem of his garment”. So when she got her chance, she had to maneuver through the crowd of people, and she did so........Now that was the short version. If you want to know the full story, pick up your bible and read. But anyway, as I began to think about, I began to laugh at myself and God because he has a way of showing us things and sometimes it goes right over our head. This story was very similar to my dream. The lord showed me and proved to me that he is the alpha and omega, he is a healer, he is the same yesterday, today, and forever more. Mostly he proved to me that the same miracles and healings that when on back in the bible days are still in effect in 2008. I thought about when I yelled, “Jesus please”! I cried out to the lord for help. I woke up, got on my knees and prayed. See at this point im getting excited. The bible also says, “If my people, which are called by my name would humble themselves and pray, seek my face, then will I heal.” You see that scripture just confirmed it. If my people-(I am God’s child) which are called by my name would humble themselves and pray (I realized the situation I was in wasn’t good so I had to get myself out through prayer and crying out), seek my face (nuff said) then will I heal (the lord promises healing in your life). Victory is mine! And the bible says, ”and when your victory comes, his joy he’ll unfold”. You see, just when you think you’re bout to give in, God will snatch out of the situation you’re in. When you think you bout to fall, he catches you. And when I think about that sweeping feeling I felt in my body I think about Spring cleaning, and I thank God for that. You see he was cleaning out all of that mess in me that I had in the Fall of 2007 to prepare me for the next level going in to the Spring of 2008. If that aint Spring cleaning then I’ll thank him anyway.
All I am saying people is, listen to God. You may not be all that God wants you to be or where God wants you to be, but I bet you he will lead you in that direction. Look at how far God has brought you! It took me going through all of that just so I could say THANK YOU for all you’ve done for me! You don’t have to be a pastor to get a message from God. Im not perfect and people who know me will tell you that I don’t have myself all together and who actually does? But I know God, trust him whole heartedly, and I know that he’s not through with me yet. Im still developing slowly, but surely. So before you judge me, you need to check your self and focus on the message that God is trying to send you!
J, Quinn
